Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.

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(216): View more from Ohio

thus making me awesome and them whores

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(703): View more from Virginia

just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.

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(314): View more from Missouri

hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?

(636): View more from Missouri

Yup.

(314): View more from Missouri

Yup.

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(347): View more from New York

He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.

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(970): View more from Colorado

He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...

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(734): View more from Michigan

Guess what happened to me today at work?

(1-734): View more from Michigan

I have chlamydia. What happened.

(734): View more from Michigan

Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.

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(818): View more from California

Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.

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(+61): View more from Australia

Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there

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