Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
