so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
