Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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