wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
