HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
