cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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