if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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