Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
