im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
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