I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
