So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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