Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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