ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
