this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
