a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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