I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
