i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
