I wish my penis had an off switch
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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