Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Randomize
