I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
