best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
