So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
