Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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