Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
