So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
