im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
did i just pee glitter
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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