I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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