Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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