Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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