I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
