you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
worst night to have a conscience
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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