I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
