I'm lost and stupid without you.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
