I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
