i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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