Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
