she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
