you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
