sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
