I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
