I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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