so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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