Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
