Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
