The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
