took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
