Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
