How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Randomize
