Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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