I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
