Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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