just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
